We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
