I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
