When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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