I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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