i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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