i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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