a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
