i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
