So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize