Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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