What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
