He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
