Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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