i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
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Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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