she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
two words...techno handjob
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
