Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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