i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We are two peas in an std pod
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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