The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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