It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
