Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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