you would pick up someone in the library
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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