who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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