Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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