Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
