The maid of honor just puked.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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