The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
