Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
