So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
