barbara walters just said penis...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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