we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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