I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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