It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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