Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it penis luge time yet?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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