I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
