Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
