What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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