i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
