if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
