I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
