my phone needs a breathalizer
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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