ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
