using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sober January is a disaster.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
