there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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