Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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