Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize