Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
