New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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