When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
