I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
