how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
