I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
