I just pynch a tree in the face
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
high people should be assigned attendants
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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