I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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