My boss' voice literally gives me gas
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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