Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
