highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
