Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
