That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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