Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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