I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize