@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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