Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
