What a fucking waste of an outfit
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i think im in europe. pls send help
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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