it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
