I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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