There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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