so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
