I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this just has baby written all over it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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