Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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