I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
