don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
