i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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