apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
