Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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