all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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