So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
