if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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